The problem with "ugly sweater contests" is that the winner usually isn't playing.

grantstavely: I will probably die polishing an unsent e-mail.

Ind1fference: after 2+ hours the kitchen set is assembled. Some assembly required? It was more like ALL assembly required

TFLN: (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the f out of the bar.

xenijardin: ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE WEB TROLLS. IT TROLLS FOR THEE.

jack_daniel: The problem with "ugly sweater contests" is that the winner usually isn't playing.

tacone_:
█████ ██ █ ████ everything ███ █████ is█████ ████ ████ fine ████ ███ █ ██████ love. █████ ███████ ███ your █████ ████ government #wikileaks

STACEYNIGHTMARE: This coffee shop is so crowded I accidentally started working on someone else’s screenplay.

JimGaffigan: Directions to our apartment should always end with “…and follow the sound of screaming children”.

pourmecoffee: I bet the prison staff is asking Assange for help in setting up their router. This always happens to the computer guy.

austinkleon: "Validate my life choices or I will bite you." - everyone you know

someecards: I look forward to spending time with you once there are no remaining traces of your minor cold.

spleeness: Almost walked into a dangling spider at a cast party, milliseconds away from unwillingly becoming most dramatic performance of the night.

jstogdill: China is like that 22 yr old still living at home in suspended adolescence.

papercup: Can I have a t-shirt that says "Nihilism is Pointless"?