And the crowd goes mild. (Funny Twitter updates)

Opened my fireplace damper last night. First time this year. Two tiny dead birds fell out. Like a slot machine where the prize is 500 tears. @wailinglist

It's pretty clear that even if a horse was in my nose I couldn't pick it. @jeffLandou

Overheard in the Newsroom #2949: Deskmate on our 13-year-old computers: “Hey, I could throw this thing a Bar Mitzvah!” @h1661n5

Should write a book for the Twitter age entitled "No One Cares What You Ate Thirty-Seven Seconds Ago." @maggie 

There is a "Society for the Protection & Preservation of the Fruitcake"?? @spleeness

And the crowd goes mild. @leemathews