Thursday, October 31, 2013

Funny Halloween tweets

kellyeddington If nobody knocks on our door within the next hour and 45 minutes, the candy is OURS. (Not like we haven't already eaten most of it.)

katefeetie Halloween: Helping me finally get rid of the pesky blood in my blood sugar.

darthvader You've heard about fury & a woman scorned haven't you? Well, that's nothing compared to a Sith Lord cheated out of tricks or treats.
 
darthvader You've heard about fury & a woman scorned haven't you? Well, that's nothing compared to a Sith Lord cheated out of tricks or treats.

anthropocon At the store I saw carrots packaged to be handed out on Halloween. Might as well just hand out eggs and paint a bullseye on your house.

suzierobb 10 hours of sleep and still sick. The chance of me being a legit zombie by Halloween is getting serious.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm on furlough, so call me, maybe?

Oct 29
Brownie making FOILED! No chocolatey deliciousness making ingredients in the cupboard. HOW AM I TO MAKE MY ASS BIGGER IN THESE CONDITIONS?!

I just saw a stretch limo. I think it was doing the drive of shame.

I only got married so someone could help me find my keys.

Hey girl, you raise my debt ceiling.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm on furlough, so call me, maybe?

Saw a Blackberry listed on Ebay. Oh, wait. That's the whole company.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Often it's just to prove that you're still a terrible judge of character.

Spending the day at home with the kids, also without the protection of a shark cage.

Accidentally Shazam’d an arguing couple in Starbucks and now I own “Why can’t you support my need to do mud runs?” by Marc & Debra Schwartz